on this morning

It was still dark as we traveled down the road, and I looked up to the sky. It was then that I saw the moon, just a sliver but shining bright.

I had been restless through the night, tossing. Praying. Releasing the day ahead to the One I know it's safe with. Then, I wrestle with thoughts. What ifs. Hopes. Fears. And I pray, again realizing the thing I just released I gripped hold of again.

But in that moment as we left home and headed to the hospital, as I saw that moon, I realized the Creator, the Maker of all that is, still cares about the day and moments ahead. It humbles me as I think on Him.

How can He look on me and care?

And yet He does.

And how can I pray, release, then grip hold again of what I know is given to the One who set that moon above, giving Light to all who call on His name.

On this morning, I call on His name again, confessing this sin of mine. This tight grip of worry that I can now release fully, knowing now He will meet me here. He will be glorified.

We walk down the hallway toward the room where the nurse, physician, and anesthesiologist will meet us. It is there we greet them, the birth mom and dad. I welcome them with a smile, as I hold this boy. Their boy. My boy.

On this morning, we wait as the doctors take him back and surgery is performed to make him better.

On this morning, in this cold, bare room that walls begin to break down, the warmth of love and grace that only comes from the shadow of the cross covers.

Oh, they still need your prayers. We still need your prayers. And we trust He will continue to meet us here. The impossible is made possible in the shadow of the cross, and it is here I pray. The salvation of this family, the changing of hearts producing changing of lives.

And it is here that I choose to focus. Because if I don't, I would take hold of them, these precious lives, gripping them tight and begging for safety and protection in my home. In my care.

But on this morning, I know that may not be His plan. And, as I look at the moon, and I'm reminded of the Light that came into my soul, I remember the grace that covers me. So I release because I want that for them. All of them...more than I want to grip tight my own plans.