Thursday, March 28, 2013
identity and crazy love
Lined up on bar stools, their little legs not yet able to touch the floor, they busy their mouths with the munching on their cereal. At least that's what this morning's breakfast intelled. I stand there in front of them, looking into their little faces, hoping there I get to pour into their hearts.
And I say to them, partly so they become focused on me, and partly so I can focus on Him: "I need your ears to listen to mommy right now." And I speak each of their names, look into each of their eyes, and tell them who they are.
You are loved.
You are special.
You are chosen.
You are cherished.
See, that is their identity. That's who they are to me. So I start the morning now letting them know it. It's here, in the morning, where they haven't had an opportunity to choose good or bad. They haven't yet brushed their hair or their teeth or dressed or acted out or chosen good in any way. They have simply woken up and are set before their most necessary physical need for the morning: food.
And it's here I want to meet them with one of their most necessary inward needs: their identity.
See, that's where God has been meeting me lately. He's been showing me that my most desperate need isn't Him showing me where I can serve or how I can perform or what I should or shouldn't be doing. He's been meeting me in my heart and telling me to look to Him. To see who He is. To rest and meditate on Him. To know Him more. And here is the life-changing part: it's because of who He is that I am.
I am not what my actions or strength can muster up that day. I am not my ministry to Binkle. I am not my call to motherhood to my other two. I am not my role in being a wife to Scott. I am not the outfit I choose or the cleanliness of my house. I am not my career or my lack thereof. I am not the mess up of my past. I am not my childhood hurt. I am not my "no" when I can't or my "yes" when I can. I am not my hair on a humid day or my inorganization or my perception of the way you perceive me. It's ok...you can think through that one for a minute.
I am His.
And because I am His....because of who He is...I am purified. I am chosen. I am loved. I am special. I am daughter of the King. I am sheltered. I am safe. Praise God: I am heaven bound.
I am changed because of my understanding of my identity in Him.
"The heaviest obligation lying upon the Christian Church today is to purify and elevate her concept of God until it is once more worthy of Him-and of her."~A.W. Tozer
And if I am going to lead them to understand who they are in Him...to comprehend His unfathomable, uncontainable, unchanging love over them...it must start with their understanding of who they are to me.
I don't love them because of who they are or what they will become. I don't love them over what they will accomplish today or whether they get along or whether they love me back. I don't stop loving them when they talk sassy or use an ugly tone or throw a toy or stomp their feet at me. I don't stop loving them over disobedience just like I don't love them because of their obedience.
I love them because they are mine.
For this moment, for this day, they are my privilege to love.
My love over them is never dependent on them.
And here is the most free part of it all. My love over them...isn't about who I am either. It isn't based on my own ability to love them well. If it were, God help us all. Apart from Him, I am a messed up mess (If you're wondering if it's possible to be that messed up, my answer is yes.). But thankfully, my love over them is solely based on who I am in Him. On His ability to love through me. On His power that He's promised through the Holy Spirit.
And that, my friends, is some kinda good news and some kinda crazy love.